I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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