she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
