I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
