I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
