about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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