is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
