I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
