I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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