After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
