I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
