I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I am spending my child support on dildos
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
