I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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