put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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