i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Randomize
