I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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