his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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