Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
this hospital has no fireball
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
