YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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