His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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