bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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