I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
