Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I think my moral compass just broke
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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