Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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