And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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