I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
