my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
