i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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