i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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