There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
the liver wants what the liver wants
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
