We named our party play list daddy issues
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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