Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
