why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
