Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
