Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Randomize
