I just threw up on my dentist
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
