He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
