It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
