Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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