What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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