My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
