I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
