its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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