There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
