The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
my phone needs a breathalizer
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
