My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
