you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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