i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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