So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I understand Curling. That high.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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