I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
ttyl tear gas
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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