I wish I could punch you in the face.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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