You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
