Christians are straight up FREAKS
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
