so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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