I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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